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I just finished a meditation from a favorite new source, Artist Morning. The title of the mediation, Calling All Angels, would have put me off before. But I am currently much more open to support of any kind. This time of year naturally brings change with school year endings, vacations, and disruptions to routines. This normal reshuffling is intensified with a larger, deeper one.
This year, I have begun the process of leaving my teaching job. Letters of recommendation, applications, and contemplation sprouted up like crabgrass through the landscaping fabric of school work and family responsibilities. No solid leads presented themselves for transitional employment, leaving me to sit with the deep knowing of what I want to do.
Instead of staying frozen in fear, I'm seeking support from many directions and resisting the urge to act immediately. Meditation has taken a front burner position along with joyful exercise, writing, and music. These tools work together along with friends, family, and Al-Anon to make me better able to hear, see, and know the next right step for me to take.
This morning's meditation reminded me of a writing prompt from a month ago where I wrote a letter of support from my future self. Take a moment to read it if you can, and I hope it inspires you to try it out yourself. You'll be delightfully surprised at what you future self has to say. Share your comments and responses wherever you read this post to reveal the like-minded community of support that exists all around us.
Dear Karen,
It's hard to believe five years have passed. Cute little Lei Lei is a beautiful young adult taking charge of her own life, doing things her way with courage and love. She is breathtakingly beautiful and funny. You would be so proud and amazed at her growth.
I’m not going to be too specific about Dave. I just want you to know that your greatest fear of not experiencing easy love turned out to be pointless. You are already starting to feel the power of acceptance because of how you are starting to accept yourself as you are. Remember, Higher Power says to be ready to go in any direction. You picked him to grow, and you both have grown in amazing ways. You can be proud, hopeful, and at peace.
You spend so much time worrying about the school thing, and now those all-consuming concerns seem far away and muffled. The days now are filled with contemplation and activity fueled by whole-hearted commitment. People are working with you by choice constantly and the atmosphere is pulsing with love and gratitude, and even disbelief that things can be so good despite a lot of struggle. You have moments in the spotlight and delicious hours following through with creative work. Decision making has become more streamlined, and you are much less apt to be derailed by other people’s ideas of what should happen.
I wish I could wrap you in a sparkling blanket of energy that would melt into your skin and infuse your nerves with warm relaxation. You are going to be OK. All your ideas of security and planning have become delightfully irrelevant because as soon as one cool project winds down, inspiration for the next wave carries you forward.
People are going to know you, see you, and delight in exactly what you naturally have to give. You will find a worldwide community of poetic souls that sigh with relief and appreciation just to hear you speak, sing; to see what you write and draw.
I urge you to keep going. Whenever I meditate, sit at the ocean, or hike in a beautiful spot I send you waves of peace, compassion, and expansion. Do you feel them? It is so hard for you right where you are. You caught a vision of the future just in time for residual tides of darkness trying to pull so many under. Hold on, sweetheart! There is so much joy waiting for you; so much daily peace to wade into and float upon.
It must be near impossible to keep taking those small steps toward this beautiful life in the face of so little encouragement. Looking back, I get excited because I can see that you are really on your way now, and all the things that would normally deter you are falling away. You don’t see it that way, but I am just starting to recognize the power I live in every day in your heart. Can you feel it raising you up so your feet barely touch the ground? You really can not guess all the beautiful serendipitous moments and cosmic connections ahead.
It is absolutely worth it. Push through, love. Find all the support you can. I will be waiting here for you, cheering you on through every difficulty. When you doubt putting something you created out there, just do it. All the messages are floating on the sea, almost arriving to those who need it most. The sooner you send out the relief, the sooner it can get there. It is important. In fact, it is the most important thing. Your purpose in life. You did a great job with the students even on your worst days, and there were a lot of those towards the end. Don’t worry. You will see many of them again in the future and they will recognize the love you gave them at great cost. You can let them go.
I love you and everything you are creating right now. Don’t worry about your limitations. The limitations are just signs that say “DO NOT.” Ignore them. What they really mean is, “It’s time to play!” That is your superpower. Playing, daring. Connecting deeply.
I am already here, so just keep moving ahead. I can almost see you around the bend of the earth. Can you hear everyone here cheering for you? There’s a lot of us.
Your future self,
Karen